Struggling to carry an unexpected and profound grief. Exhausted, really. But the weather is pleasant, the hammock comfortable, my body of relatively sound health for all its problems, and there are smart people in my life who have decided I am worthy of love and loyalty. I feel barely human and all too human both at once right now, so I’m trying to draw strength from all that and trust their judgment more than my own. One foot in front of the other — fee fie foe fum.
I’ve been working on my cooking for the last few years. It’s not something I’m great at, but it’s a service skill I wanted to add to my repertoire. Normally I cook with the boyfriend creature now that we live together, or my housemate, but a couple of times now I’ve really risen to the occasion and made the boyfriend creature a dinner mostly by myself. We are both having a challenging week, so I made him dinner, and I’m particularly proud with how this turned out.
You send money to Maxtem but you’re asking us for money for a tooth?
Anonymous
I figured it was just a matter of time before the trolls came rolling in.
I do participate in findom. It’s a fetish and one I enjoy quite a bit. I also enjoy being a good person and helping other people who need it. Serving and tributing to @maxtem19 has nothing to do with the post you’re referring to. I shared a GoFundMe of someone who’s asking for help, which is not an easy thing for him to do. I’m just offering an incentive for people who are able to help put a smile on his face. (pun intended)
If you aren’t able to or interested, feel free to keep scrolling. No need to stop and send judgy asks.
Kudos to you, boy, for responding to this gracefully.
Dear reader: nakedboyservice helps raise significant chunks of money every year for LGBTQ+ institutions. In this case, he reblogged the GoFundMe I signal boosted because he wanted to help someone and trusts my judgment. His Sir has used findom in the past to do matching donations for charitable causes as well. If you read the GoFundMe in question, it’s an unfortunate shitshow involving healthcare and employment and pandemic stuff that has been sadly far too commonplace that last year.
Can we please not insult people for things like compassion and caring about the health needs of those around us? You don’t necessarily know how much nakedboyservice makes, or how much he shares with his dom, or if he’s donated to this GoFundMe himself. That’s not my info to disclose. But “I sometimes share money with someone I’ve been involved with for years” doesn’t disqualify you from trying to help people afford healthcare. Surely, we can agree on that.
So guys, this is me. I’m facing a time-sensitive medical issue and, because of COVID, I’m finding myself unable to deal with it on my own. If you’ve ever been a fan of my work, I’d humbly ask if you could take a look and possibly send me a buck or two. It’s been a tough year for everyone so, if you’re unable to donate, a share of this post would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
All right guys, gals, and non-binary pals: I just turned 35 this month and my birthday wish is for you to throw some cash at achillestickler. Dental problems can lead to many other problems, and we want to take good care of one another in fetish world. Even if you can just give a little, every little bit helps.
As a bonus incentive, if you message me here on Tumblr with a screenshot showing you donated, I’ll hook you up with a little treat.
Today was my first day physically back in the office since the attacks in DC on the 6th. After thirty minutes of looking for a perimeter checkpoint I was authorized to use, I was able to start my day. FBI wanted posters on bus stops. Fences with barbed wire. The whole thing reminded me of my Army deployments.
It amazes me that there are people in government who can go through these every day, seeing that the threat is still very much ongoing, and then downplay the events that left people murdered as these buildings were evacuated. It also amazes me there are kink lifestylers out there who also play down what happened. The whole idea of proudly calling yourself a creature of service and loyalty, and then siding with people who seem unconcerned that their own underlings were in danger, seems at odds. I am deeply grateful the subs in my life aren’t going around making pro-Trump statements while insulting people and amplifying wild conspiracy theories that have been disproven. It would reflect on me as a dom very poorly. And it’s really, truly sad and disheartening when I see kinksters fall down that road. It’s a lot of effort all to still be factually wrong. And it’s a lot of loyalty to people who don’t seem to have much of a sense of loyalty themselves.
As part of my efforts to bring more intentional decisions to my rare private time, I’ve started unwinding in the evenings with a cup of non-caffeinated tea or hot chocolate. Sometimes during this time I read, too. I normally just do a bagged chamomile with some honey and lemon, but as part of the new year, one of the boys kindly treated me to a few fancy loose leaf teas (from a supplier someone recommended during a chat on an app). To help celebrate the inauguration I ordered a favorite from the local diner chain (bison huevos rancheros) and am having my first cup of raspberry lemon mint while I look out the window into the back yard. I’m feeling gratitude and relief.
No MAL this year due to pandemic concerns, and my sweet competent loving local boy is isolating due to a recent exposure. Both are the right decision, but it’s easy to miss the people and events that have come to help me me mark time in my life over the years. Plus with the wild terrorism stuff happening here in DC this month and some other personal things, 2021 is off to a doozy.
But I’m making progress. Working remotely with a personal trainer to keep my body moving. A sweet boy who used to serve me sent me and my boyfriend creature some free HelloFresh over the holidays, so I got to have some really lovely date nights and learn more about cooking. Medical and legal stuff I’ve been dealing with for a long time had some legit, fascinating breakthroughs. Finances are almost where I want them to be. And my little family of kinky folk are all throwing themselves pretty hard at online gaming — so even though the local boy can’t come over, he and the boyfriend creature are having fun saving the world together and whatnot and doing voice chat together.
So I’m just letting today be a day to connect with myself. Bringing myself into my body and into my own heart. Taking care of myself the way my boys would if they were here to do so, and the way a dom would want me to do so if they were counting on me. Despite my frustration and my anger and my fear, I’m a very lucky human in many ways. Making some space to celebrate this fact despite my many other yucky feelings is not exactly what people always think of when they think of kinky sexy power, but it still makes a good foundation for a good household.
It’s so easy to carry baggage from our past relationships into new relationships. In power exchange this sometimes means a dom has to untangle all kinds of yuck the sub is bringing from not great doms they’ve encountered in the past. If you’re going to be a dom, be compassionate. It’s ethical in its own right, but also, it’s courteous to the next person. Rack your weights, flush your toilet, follow the campsite rule, and treat people as well as you can.
i still look at your tumblr. probably visit it every day to see if there's new content. shy/quiet here but wanted to let ya know. cheers ^.^
Anonymous
Thank you! I understand being shy/quiet. One of the reasons I do allow for anonymous asks is that I remember wanting to reach out to people before I had an actual account handle, and not being able to do so. It’s sort of my way of saying “hey little bunny, it’s okay to say hi.” Also I love ending things with cheers! Cheers to you, too. I hope you’re managing okay.
Last post was written in May.. for sure you have something more to say about your life with the corona going on? Any new books?
Anonymous
I have lots to say, but not a lot of it is for Tumblr right now. Some stuff also changed in my work situation; I’m looking at screens a lot now, and would rather not spend my personal time staring at them, too, or sitting at a desk with a computer.
Reading has mostly meant working my way through the books that survived my last several moves and the konmari tidying. I’ve lugged some of these puppies back and forth halfway across the country several times now, so I’m trying to make time to really give them my attention.
That said, I finally finished Lilith’s Brood, by Octavia Butler, and I’m so glad I did. I had to start at the beginning since it had been so long, but it was worth it.
About Service is Golden